If I Die Tonight, Rest Assured I Loved Him

My simple reflection is that if I were to die tonight, I ponder what my last words would be. I ponder what my lasting trace would be on the people I knew. If anyone was to take any sort of knowledge from my life, I would hope that it is that I found my true life, purpose, and hope in God. God created everything in splendorous, artistic, creative, balanced, and beautiful fullness. God is full of all existence. He billows with power and glory. I am thankful for the meaning and light he instilled in my once empty, void, confused, and suicidal being. I remain nothing, but I now remain with my small soul and laughable inadequacy in the supernatural master of all. He is great. I am meek. He does extraordinary things, he manifests miracles before me, and this is something that I fear… because the most sacred, divine being in all of existence… loves me. He wears scars to prove his love. For this, I work out my salvation with fear and trembling. His love, how good He is, baffles me. He is the nourisher of my soul.

Though this is simple thought, this is essential thought. Our existence is impossibly possible through the existence of God. We are blessed by the breath of life. We are blessed by the knowledge of the hand that formed us. We are blessed by the ability to turn our heart to our Home. The greatest blessing of all time is God Himself, and we must ceaselessly thank Him that He allows us to be interwoven into his great fabric of life.

Let Him not be forgotten.

I supplicate in prayer that anyone who reads this is empowered by perceiving just how deep the love of Christ is that surpasses all knowledge… and I pray that you be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3).



The Glory of Christ- Easter Day 2008.

Oil on canvas

30 x 24in/76 x 61cm



Do we forget the compassion of God?

There is annoyance burning in my bones. It has come to my attention how quick our Christian community is to focus and emphasize on what God can do for them next. I do agree that God can move mountains for us. I do believe that God loves our thankful, faithful prayers filled with concerns, requests, and eager communication regarding our lives. God can do more than we know, and rest assured that this confidence flows through my being.

Yet in this moment, I am unnerved. I feel worried for the community of believers. I feel that the most commonly shared concept is that God can do more for ME! God can make MY dreams come true! God has generous plans for ME! God will give more and more to ME! Again, allow me to say I believe that God can do many things for us and that his plans are incredibly good.

However, what bothers me now is how hastily people are to think of God satisfying their own wants and needs. Many people love reading materials and teaching services that gravitate around the concept of God doing, giving, and granting more for an individual. God is completely powerful enough to do it, but should the front line of our heart be the desire for our own gratification?

Do we forget God’s compassion on our own people? Do we forget God’s love, consideration, and sacrifice for our own people? Do we forgot that God loved us enough to do anything for us, including die in torture and mockery? God did not sit around eating choice foods and sleeping in a comfortable bed at night. Do we forgot how much God has done for us even in our own lives? God has given more and more and more! Does it not unnerve you that your greedy heart screams for more and more, and yet you do not give first?

What is God’s grace to humankind? God has granted us love and mercy regardless of our undeservingness, and does the reverential awe and fear of this make our heart quicken? Jesus was long suffering. Jesus was patient. Jesus was generous. Jesus was focused. Jesus was intentional. God in all of his parts and ways is love. Jesus embodied love and truth on Earth, and we witness this tenfold in His life, light, and gift of His comforting, teaching Spirit who has remained wearing His attitude and intention. Above all, we witness His love in His great Justice, which was spilled in His commands to love each other. As it is written in John 13:34, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” Jesus asked us to love each other as He has loved us. We must not forget that the Father is in Him and He is in the Father. All that Jesus said he said with the help of the Father. Jesus spilled the Father’s words and heart on earth with His supernatural intercession within.

Do we act and speak from love? Do we seek to wash others with tsunamis of love?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Love is not self-seeking. Self-seeking is defined as having concerns or interests of one’s own welfare or wellbeing before those of others by the New Oxford American Dictionary. Do you truly love others? Do you place the needs, interests, and concerns of others above your own? Do you seek to serve by love?

Because if you do not, keep in mind what the first four verses of 1 Corinthians 13 says “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothingIf I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

God’s grace should compel us to live to love. God’s sacrifice is a beautiful gift. God loves us so much, that we should be falling flat on our faces in heavy tears over His great love. We should love the Lord with every fiber of our being, and love him so much that our heart explodes with hopes and joys to see His name being exalted. Out of love, and out of light of his sacrifice… we should make ourselves a worthy sacrifice on this planet. We should be quick to sacrifice our time, money, mind, hands, and heart to worship him and glorify Him…. because of how much we love our GOD! If not this, then Jesus’ command should compel us to live to love. God’s very powerful Holy Spirit is living within us. This should compel us to do a lot more than we are. We should be shaking up the entire world for the Lord. We should be turning this place upside down. Making sacrifices, giving out of love, serving by love, speaking out of love, and sharing the Truth by love should be the first, primary, and constant desire of our heart. We should do whatever it takes to shed more love in a day. We should pour love and light over those who believe, and over those who we can lead to believe. Fear to do any of this is from the deceiver. Fear of man, fear of losing money, fear of being mocked, fear of being rejected, fear of getting hurt…. is not from the Lord. The Lord strengthens, empowers, and protects. I ask the family of believers to question who they fear right now. Have you fashioned your own God? What or who do you serve? You serve what or who you fear. Our only fear belongs to the Lord. We must not be scared of Him, but be aware that he is not our cool, hippie God. God is sacred, divine, splendorous, incredible, and glorious. He is everything. We should tremble before Him in our reverential fear and awe because well, simply put, HE IS GOD! GOD IS GOD OF ALL CREATION AND BEING! He is not the master of human gratification and satisfaction. He is not hippie Jesus. He is not the One who is doing everything we want. Humble yourselves before the great, powerful, all seeing, and awing God, lest you find pride, arrogance, and foolishness dyeing and polluting your heart. Let us all have strong fear for the Lord only.

Let us feel compelled to do all that we can to advance the kingdom of God! Let us be warriors of light! We are called to have faith, and we are called to action!

As James 2:14-26 says, “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”

We must spread love! We must spread kindness! We must spread resources, money, clothes, and everything we have! We must not store up treasures on this earth that rot, break, burn, and turn back into dust! We must be relational. We must spread the Truth! We must share the Word! We must set our eyes on the Lord, and set our heart on advancing his kingdom! As soon as you stop asking what God can do for YOU next, you make yourself ready and capable to work for your brothers and sisters thirsty for hope, love, help, and the Light.

Let God’s Spirit within lead you into servanthood on a daily basis. What does this mean for you?

This might mean that you need to take the time to turn the weekend into spreading the gospel in your community. This might mean that you need to donate all of the clothes that you have been hoarding since a decade ago. This might mean that you need to turn your social media accounts into a platform for the Lord, rather than man’s approval for you. This might mean that your soon arriving tax return needs to become a big piece of funding for you to distribute Bibles, clothes, food, money, everything you can think of for those who may be in need in any way big or small. This might mean that you need to take the time to clean the trash out of the elderly neighbor’s yard for him, and when he asks why you did it say for the love that God instills in your heart. This might mean that you need to be willing to buy someone’s little cart of groceries in front of you, and insist that it is the Lord that is blessing them. This might mean that you need to be willing to strike up conversations about the Lord with your barista, barber, accountant, dentist, physician, gardner, coworker, daughter-in-law, employee, waiter, and whoever else crosses your path.


Spread the goodness of God! Spread the Truth! Be excited to be a light! Be excited to SPREAD LOVE IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST!

Thank God for his greatness. Thank God for his grace!

I pray that all of you will move, act, speak, and do all that you can for the glory of GOD! DO ALL THAT YOU CAN FROM THIS MOMENT ON FOR THE GLORY OF GOD! SPREAD LOVE, LIGHT, HOPE, TRUTH, AND JOY!




Painting title/right is You Are Not Alone By Laur Iduc.

Gathering His Roses

He is picking his ruby rose.

He is tearing off its thorns and trimming its stem.

He is gathering a heavenly bouquet.

He is sniffing its sweet scent.

He is placing it on his own table.

He is admiring it with his own delighting eye.

His home is glorified with the bouquet He chose, picked, groomed, and arranged by hand.

His joy and pleasure is magnified by the beauty He arranged and adorned His own home with.

Yet in His peculiar home,

Roses never die.

Life flows so freely in His vase,

Because His water is that of which one drop,

Is eternally enough.

A Good Night Poem to You All, and especially our Creator

Alas, the night has been born

My last wakefulness has been torn

I do wish I could stay awake forever

And spill on the Lord all my endeavor

I feel a smile breaking across my lips

And one last ache tremor in my hips

For my sweet God I feel such hope

That I yank on my mind as a rope

I rummage for thanks for the divine

And ponder existence, grandly intertwine

My head rests snugly on my cool pillow

And upon me, I seek his Spirit to billow

My dreams will be saturated with mystery

As all the while, I sleep through history

God is so great, that is he is never late

And he’s attending many times, without restraint

The lord is presence, present, and a present

And I do hope I lie in his glory luminescent

Dear divine God, I worship you with all of my being

I pray that with you, my soul’s tune is agreeing

God bless you Lord, and your day and your night

And thank you again for all of your light


To Worship Greater than Our Ancestors of Old

How much more should we praise God than our ancestors! How much MORE!

We know so much more of his power, beauty, talent, skill, creativity, and splendorous design!

We have traveled and connected with so many parts of the world. We have photographed them. We have explored them. We have climbed the highest mountains. We have dove to deepest parts of the sea. We have swept through jungles. We have slid on icy expanses.

We have walked on the moon. We investigate the depths of the celestial bodies with precise telescopes and cameras. We exchange beauty of his creations and wonders of all of our planet with hasty ease. We reach these nooks and crannies without much difficulty.

We marvel in the greatness of God’s hands! We explore his great work! We share freely photos, descriptions, stories, and maps with the move of our fingers!

How much more should we bow to praise God.

God has revealed his mysteries to us. He has revealed his plan. He has done a new thing. He has sent his son Jesus Christ to save the world. It has been done! We experience his Holy Spirit, who reaches in us to teach us, freely in this life.

We know the story of the Lord’s movement and plan for humans from the beginning to the end, because we are lucky enough to read the sacred text from the beginning to the end. The only thing we wait for now is for the Lord to return and finish all of this.

We have answers. We have the Truth. We have hope. We have Life. We have a path. We have the Way.

How much more blessed are we than any ever before! How much do the Lord’s undeserved blessings rain down on us! We are blessed! We have so much to celebrate! We have so much to rejoice about! We have the entire world, peoples, and nearby celestial bodies to witness freely with new technology and communications! We have the transportation technology to get us everywhere we could hope to explore! We have the complete living Word of the Lord to renew our mind in every single moment that we would like! We have the Spirit to teach us within!

We have the ability to share the Lords greatness in too many ways to name.

The greatest crime is that the devil makes people feel depressed or lost in things that do not matter, and they do not see the Lord, the Way, and the consequences.


Painting – Alone With God Together. I do not own.

Treating God Well

How we treat great God up high

Is how we treat all who cross our eye

Because he gave us this life

Not to live in strife

But to love without restraint or end

Those from Heaven he chose to send

Because His Spirit lives in us

We must bless our brethren without a fuss

And chose to never forget

His Jesus died in blood and sweat

We are the product of how we treat others

Because these people are our sisters and brothers

And lest you forget to tame your wild tongue

Don’t forget he listens to both old and young

He hears words both spoken and held inside

So make certain that sin and pride you do not hide

Cloud of Thirst

There is a dark wall obscuring my view

Yet still I seek to become continually new

I seek your Spirit over water and food

I crave your comfort in my solemn mood

The world is violently tearing me apart

And yet you are the center of my heart

I will keep my eyes on you

And you will guide me in all I do

I will love you now, then, and forever more

As your holiness ceaselessly penetrates my core

Chasing God

I have struggled with aggravated mind battles since I was a child. I was in battle even as a tiny girl. I remember feeling so much confusion that I couldn’t even speak sometimes. My mind was always racing. I remember sitting in my bed all night trying to decide what my life was – trying to understand what normal might be. My little corner of the world had some problems, both of an internal and external nature. My most memorable recurring dream from this time period was a vision of myself staring at my face as I am struggling to scream, speak, and even breathe. I am wringing my neck so aggressively you would think that I might choke myself.

My intention right now is not to analyze my dream or childhood, but to paint a quick portrait of my mind from the beginning. I am trying to convey that I have always had an overactive mind. I have battled overwhelming fleets of anxiety and depression since I was very young and small. Most of my thought consisted of the value and meaning of life and existence in all aspects. Curiosity has always been a major root in my personality and mind.

When God came upon me for the first time, my existential battle was transformed. I no longer wonder where meaning comes from. I do not have to worry about if life is worth living – or if I should just give up while I can. I know God is real. I felt God’s very real and very comforting Holy Spirit. I know God is the hand of existence – the origin, creator, purpose, meaning, and end. I feel a sense of contentment and peace simply because I know. I should say that by knowing and continually believing I thrive and survive.

Yet now, my battles are a bit different. Now, I know how and why I live. I know the source of love and peace, and I know how to pursue it. And that is the new beginning – working on HOW to pursue it. God calls all of us to erase “I” and to live a life of service. In order to follow Christ we must become like Christ. We learn that to do this we must let go of the focus and attachment to our own selfish selves and the cold world. This is where I and many like myself struggle. I often feel like I peak at God’s grace. I feel that as soon as I have blinked a cloud as dark and as heavy as stone swooshes between us. I feel like being with God is simple, and that is what is so hard about it. We need to stop letting the world get between ourselves and God. We especially need to stop letting ourselves get between ourselves and God.

Everyday I think I want to work for God. I desperately want to study his word, practice his principles, and write about my findings. I genuinely want to get to work. I want to serve God in my own unique way – by writing, communicating, and pursuing others. However, I always seem to tell myself “later.” Even with my desire to create eating me alive, somehow, “later” is always an option. Surely I can be a good person tomorrow. Surely I can mail that letter tomorrow. I have all the time in the world to write in my journal. There’s no rush – I can start focusing on my relationship with God in a few days, when I have more time. I want to make some sacrifice in my life and become closer to Jesus, but it doesn’t really have to include tonight too. I just want to relax, and I really need some me time. What’s the rush? I can just pray a really good prayer tomorrow – it will make up for this past week. Does it really have to be now?

I have one thing to say about these dangerous little thoughts – time is precious. We live our lives like they are not going to end. We all seem to assume our days are without end. Yet reality is that we may die at any moment. And our value is that which we gained through our bonding with God. If we do not act and walk in the light of godly service, we remain empty and depressed. Our time is limited. We should all act, create, and share as if our talents are melting like ice cream under the blazing July sun. We are as capable now as we will ever be. Our opportunity now is more perfect and absolute than it will ever be. Tiredness is not a reason to wait to live. In death you will never be tired again. Would you prefer death?

Society pushes to normalize life as a simple and regular day to day activity book. A day is simply a list, and the basic requirements and needs remain the same. Yet the opposite is reality. You are on an astonishing planet with a trillion opportunities and an unknown window of time to make things happen. We should always act as if we are running a race. This is what God wants for us. We were each uniquely and lovingly blessed with a talent and a drive, and to let it simmer is to betray God. We all think we only have to focus on our work, school, family, health, and the list goes on. We think we just need “me” time and things will feel peaceful again. If we keep letting distractions get in our way, we might die before we live as our loving God geared us up to live.

The time for action is now, now, now. Mail some letters about your faith, give a poor man a Bible and a meal, mend your relationship with that relative that you’re always feeling annoyed at, take a load off of that person who is always struggling… be a blessing in someone else’s life. God is the embodiment of love. Therefore, to become closer to God, you too must embody love. Give and love so diligently and so extremely that you feel drained of all ideas, energy, and money. Surprise others with life saving acts of compassion and messages of God’s greatness. Spread the knowledge and love of God ceaselessly.

You should use your talents to bring the love that is God to everyone you possibly can. You should not let the world distract you from doing what matters. I challenge you to pray endlessly, and once you have prayed, act, create, and share without any end. God is your inspiration, motivation, content, and reward. God rewards us if we do not give up. Do not let your day become consumed with empty aspirations and pursuits. You should strive to shift your focus away from appearances, substances, foods, sex, people, shopping, and anything that is a product of the world. Of course you should appreciate life, God tells us to enjoy the beautiful and seemingly impossible existence he gave us. However, only set the constant devotion of your heart and mind on striving toward God above. Because as Jesus tells us: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.” [Matthew 22:37-38]

Therefore, if the cloud that is like a stone gets in your way, grit your teeth and trust in God. He can move it for you. You must only trust in him and focus so that the world and its evil distractions do not consume you. We must remain confidently aware that the sun remains even when heavy clouds are upon us. This is the glory of God.

This is the message God sends us in our physical world. While there is dark, there is light. While there is fire, there is water. While there is hate, there is love. While there is evil, there is God. You must rest assured that part of the lesson of this life is that God triumphs all else. Our perfect God endlessly demonstrates his existence in our lives, and we simply choose not to notice anymore.

I pray a prayer for all of you in this life. I pray that you choose to work for God, because his pay and benefits surpass all others.